Cross Roads and Other Conundrums

As I start this new chapter in my life of creating a "proper" blog, I find I am at a cross roads with many aspects of my life.

1) Money - I have none of it. I recently confessed to a school chum that for 2 weeks last semester I didn't have money to feed myself. I have never been so scared in my life, and have vowed never to let that happen again.

2) School - I found out I am a total of 5 classes down from declaring my major at school. That fucking blows. I love the girls in my class, and I want to move ahead with them. I love my department, and if I am going to be held back ANOTHER year from it, I may just move on to other things.

3) Health - I got the "C" word recently. If that isn't enough to freak the shit out of you, I don't know what would. What is even scarier is that another good friend of mine has the same thing going on. If I'm lucky we'll get to be roomies at the hospital.

4) Friends - I seem to be gaining some, and loosing others. Terrifying. Why? Because I am a coward thats why. And as much as I want to say that I am an open minded person, willing to let change happen - I am... but only sometimes.

5) Grupthink - The social networking and Q & A site I belong to. Love the people there (for the most part) and I've made wicked relationships there. But I got an e-mail from one of my good friends there telling me they want to leave. Too many people giving them shit. I understand what they mean. Being voted most popular on that site (not tooting my own horn here, it's fucking true), I find I am kept safe from most of the crap that could be thrown at me. But I have to say, when I got that e-mail, my heart sunk in my stomach. I really love this person, and they are a huge reason I still visit this site on a regular basis. Don't get me wrong, I love all of my friends there, but this person is just the triple thick icing on my already sweet cake.

I would beg them to stay, but that would be done for only my own selfish reasons, and unfair to said person. I just hope that we stay in touch. I'd miss them a lot. So does this mean I keep with grupthink? Or do I quit? Decisions, decisions.

6) Looooovvve - Fuck love man. Wait... no fuck ME thats it. No wait.... Yeah I don't know. Birthday number 23 is around the corner, I feel my lack of "relationship" experience is starting to piss me off. I miss the boat a lot. Or I just give up, and don't even go to the pier anymore. I don't know why I expect something to happen. Again - Coward. Enough said.

How honest am I really? I don't even think I know. You know?

Am I ever going to post a real image of myself on the net? Probably not.