The Aging Fag Hag and The Queers She Grew Up With

Not the most "PC" of titles, but it was how we used to roll...


It was my best friend Michael's 22nd ;) birthday last Saturday. He decided that he wanted to return to the gay bar again, to remember the good ol' days. I agreed to join him of course. I at one point I used to be the fag hag of 2004.

So we brought along Greg, Tessa, and Mike's friend Dan, who is also this cute lil gay man who is into jewelry and video games just like me! So we arrived, with me in my skanky top (those gay boys love the boobies), and I PAID to get into the bar. I guess when you are yesterday's fag-cessorie you are now required to give the door man your money versus a quick kiss on the cheek and pinch of the ass.

The music was the same. Top 40 mixed into the trance beats of the time. Dan and Greg did their best to get all of us drunk, but Tessa came half-cut already. Tessa also decided to pick me up a woman. Lord. I thought I didn't go to straight bars to avoid the whole "pick-up" thing, but come out to your friends and all they want to do is hook you up. So Tessa spent the evening checking out women with me, which was odd. I feel I can pick up my own ladies thank you, but she was having fun, and I didn't want to ruin her buzz.

The one thing that shocked me the most were the Drag Queens. Some of them I had spent many a drunk night with were there and I didn't recognize them until they approached me! Not because they were in drag, but because something had happened to them - age. The years of smoking had translated into pursed lips that betrayed the habit. The sunken eyes and nose revealed the many lines snorted before the many acts on stage. It actually saddened my heart to see those things change a person so much.

So I think to myself, if they have changed so much, have I as well?

Al the young twinks, old chicken hawks, bull dykes and lipstick lesbians were in attendance as well. But it was a whole new crowd. It seemed the gay population had decreased in the last 5 years. Are they breeding us out? Or have they all paired up like Mike and Greg, never to return to the "scene" again? Dan and I were commenting that the two same 60 year old men were still stalking the club, looking for young prey and perhaps they are why we don't see the little cute ones anymore. They are having the eternal circuit party in their basement.

We left the bar, and walked Tessa back to her apartment for safety. As we did we walked the same old walk I had done many a time. But all the landmarks had changed. The Royal liquor store beside the night club on 10th had been knocked down and turned into a high rise condo building. The Lebanese club on 1st where you would make fun of all the trashy girls fighting outside had been closed down. The bar I first had membership - Detour - was gone forever. Replaced with a fancy restaurant. When you used to walk by there at night there would be aging men in leather, young bucks in underwear, and all types of lesbians feeling each other up outside. Now when we walked by there was about 100 black gangster types just sitting outside. That was the most surreal experience of the night. I felt like my history was being erased, slowly but surely, and that it was a true sign that my life had changed.

I used to have 2 fake IDs. I had my first when I was 13, and I snuck into the gay bar and got super smashed on Killer Kolaids. Now it's 10 years later and I realize I have upgraded to pubs and bar-b-qs with friends for my kicks. Let's let the next generation of underage girl explore the magic world of men in high heels, and too much make-up.




On a side note:

We ended up walking around most of downtown for 2 hours to find a cab. When we finally got home, I received my very first foot rub. FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF. I almost died. Dan is SOOOO my new friend. I have also decided that foot rubs are a requirement for dating me.