It seems like the mid nineties is coming back to me.
Just because everyone has been linking to this I really feel like you need to be in on the joke.
I remember that in the nineties, the dance music scene was at its peak. I still believe that. That music was so cheesy, but you just couldn't help but dance your ass off. I mean we all hate the Macarena but don't you go telling me that you didn't know the dance, just like everyone else.
I went searching out my favorite 90's mix. Dance Mix '95 released by much music. considerer by many to be the very best of the series. Included are not only the last two songs I mentioned, but a whole bunch of "classics". I have their weird memory of reading Archie comics while listening to my Dance mix tape (yes tape). Now whenever I hear "total eclipse of the heart" I see Betty drooling over Arch in my head.
Something else from the 90's has recently come back into my life as well. A seriously long time friend. There was a time when I talked to this person at LEAST once a day. We would always talk to each other on the phone, and we got to know each other pretty well. We lost touch for a very long time. Somewhere along the lines of4 or 5 years? I have to say hearing his voice again was a little strange. But it was exactly how I remembered it. That brought back some strong emotions that I didn't even realize were there. All good ones, don't worry. I really have to say I missed him.
So hopefully this will continue and we can at least catch up a couple more times before we drift apart again. Or maybe this could result in a brand new friendship. Who knows. I'm leaving it open, with little expectation. That way I won't be disappointed if shit happens.
I remember sitting in my cousin's basement talking to him. Not what we were talking about in specific... just talking. I wish I could remember...
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Sunday, June 24, 2007
To the ones who read my blog (that I know about)
As far as I know, there are four people who read my blog. I know this for two reasons.
1. They post comments on said blog.
2. They tell me they read it.
These people are awesome, in too many ways to count. I'm glad I could entertain you enough that you felt like coming back from time to time. Even if you are the only people who read this, I'll keep writing. I realize that this should not be my only reason, and I guess it's not. I do do it for myself as well, as I'm sure you know.
This is also, for lack of a better word, my diary. Yes. Cheesy as it sounds.
Fine a fucking journal then.
But either way, I write what is going on in my life - with no pussie footing around. Sometimes it's funny and sometimes it's personal, scary and yes depressing. But just live through the bad to get to the good. That's what I say!
AND ON THAT NOTE!
I have been working on this large commission recently, with my friend Kalen. They asked for 60 objects to incorporate metal and glass, and reflect nature. We are doing 60 PAIRS of objects. They said no more then 10,000 budget. Ours was significantly less then that.
and
WE WON!
My first BIG commission and I got it!
Kalen called me today, woke me up in fact, and I could hear how shaky he was from his voice. We are both excited. I knew we would win. I could FEEL it.
Other good news!
Grupthink released their version 1.7 today, and it kicks ass! I have to say, it might be enough to bring me back. Only time will tell.
Well cheers for now loves!
Here's to Lydia, Mike, Michael, and TDH
1. They post comments on said blog.
2. They tell me they read it.
These people are awesome, in too many ways to count. I'm glad I could entertain you enough that you felt like coming back from time to time. Even if you are the only people who read this, I'll keep writing. I realize that this should not be my only reason, and I guess it's not. I do do it for myself as well, as I'm sure you know.
This is also, for lack of a better word, my diary. Yes. Cheesy as it sounds.
Fine a fucking journal then.
But either way, I write what is going on in my life - with no pussie footing around. Sometimes it's funny and sometimes it's personal, scary and yes depressing. But just live through the bad to get to the good. That's what I say!
AND ON THAT NOTE!
I have been working on this large commission recently, with my friend Kalen. They asked for 60 objects to incorporate metal and glass, and reflect nature. We are doing 60 PAIRS of objects. They said no more then 10,000 budget. Ours was significantly less then that.
and
WE WON!
My first BIG commission and I got it!
Kalen called me today, woke me up in fact, and I could hear how shaky he was from his voice. We are both excited. I knew we would win. I could FEEL it.
Other good news!
Grupthink released their version 1.7 today, and it kicks ass! I have to say, it might be enough to bring me back. Only time will tell.
Well cheers for now loves!
Here's to Lydia, Mike, Michael, and TDH
Thursday, June 21, 2007
The post after the last one.
You know the best thing you can hear after a gut wrenching post such as the last one here is
"Okay, this is none of my business, but.... All right is spelled as TWO words."
And can I just say that musicians are fucking sexy? Especially the ones that write their own stuff, and have quick fingers?
I just wanted to have a nice thought on here, so you guys didn't think I was dead or something.
Cheers!
"Okay, this is none of my business, but.... All right is spelled as TWO words."
And can I just say that musicians are fucking sexy? Especially the ones that write their own stuff, and have quick fingers?
I just wanted to have a nice thought on here, so you guys didn't think I was dead or something.
Cheers!
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Please, God, Let it be alright
I pray to you.
I am down on my knees, with eyes full of tears and a head full of hate, remorse, and fear.
I feel as if my soul is about to burst forth and beat upon my shaking body until all the life has fled from it.
Why is it that I am always being tested? I need to find solace in something. I need my mind to calm down long enough for my body to recover.
I always thought I needed someone who could help me, but in times like these, I realize that I can't look anyone in the eye long enough for that to even matter.
This is hell, and I see no end to this black tunnel that I am in.
I love so much, but deserve none. Any love I receive is like a stabbing pain in my chest, and that's why I want those that give me nothing in return. They are my penance.
Please, God, let it be alright - let me sleep tonight, and look at tomorrow in a new, hopeful light.
I pray to you God, let it be alright.
I am down on my knees, with eyes full of tears and a head full of hate, remorse, and fear.
I feel as if my soul is about to burst forth and beat upon my shaking body until all the life has fled from it.
Why is it that I am always being tested? I need to find solace in something. I need my mind to calm down long enough for my body to recover.
I always thought I needed someone who could help me, but in times like these, I realize that I can't look anyone in the eye long enough for that to even matter.
This is hell, and I see no end to this black tunnel that I am in.
I love so much, but deserve none. Any love I receive is like a stabbing pain in my chest, and that's why I want those that give me nothing in return. They are my penance.
Please, God, let it be alright - let me sleep tonight, and look at tomorrow in a new, hopeful light.
I pray to you God, let it be alright.
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
The Aging Fag Hag and The Queers She Grew Up With
Not the most "PC" of titles, but it was how we used to roll...
It was my best friend Michael's 22nd ;) birthday last Saturday. He decided that he wanted to return to the gay bar again, to remember the good ol' days. I agreed to join him of course. I at one point I used to be the fag hag of 2004.
So we brought along Greg, Tessa, and Mike's friend Dan, who is also this cute lil gay man who is into jewelry and video games just like me! So we arrived, with me in my skanky top (those gay boys love the boobies), and I PAID to get into the bar. I guess when you are yesterday's fag-cessorie you are now required to give the door man your money versus a quick kiss on the cheek and pinch of the ass.
The music was the same. Top 40 mixed into the trance beats of the time. Dan and Greg did their best to get all of us drunk, but Tessa came half-cut already. Tessa also decided to pick me up a woman. Lord. I thought I didn't go to straight bars to avoid the whole "pick-up" thing, but come out to your friends and all they want to do is hook you up. So Tessa spent the evening checking out women with me, which was odd. I feel I can pick up my own ladies thank you, but she was having fun, and I didn't want to ruin her buzz.
The one thing that shocked me the most were the Drag Queens. Some of them I had spent many a drunk night with were there and I didn't recognize them until they approached me! Not because they were in drag, but because something had happened to them - age. The years of smoking had translated into pursed lips that betrayed the habit. The sunken eyes and nose revealed the many lines snorted before the many acts on stage. It actually saddened my heart to see those things change a person so much.
So I think to myself, if they have changed so much, have I as well?
Al the young twinks, old chicken hawks, bull dykes and lipstick lesbians were in attendance as well. But it was a whole new crowd. It seemed the gay population had decreased in the last 5 years. Are they breeding us out? Or have they all paired up like Mike and Greg, never to return to the "scene" again? Dan and I were commenting that the two same 60 year old men were still stalking the club, looking for young prey and perhaps they are why we don't see the little cute ones anymore. They are having the eternal circuit party in their basement.
We left the bar, and walked Tessa back to her apartment for safety. As we did we walked the same old walk I had done many a time. But all the landmarks had changed. The Royal liquor store beside the night club on 10th had been knocked down and turned into a high rise condo building. The Lebanese club on 1st where you would make fun of all the trashy girls fighting outside had been closed down. The bar I first had membership - Detour - was gone forever. Replaced with a fancy restaurant. When you used to walk by there at night there would be aging men in leather, young bucks in underwear, and all types of lesbians feeling each other up outside. Now when we walked by there was about 100 black gangster types just sitting outside. That was the most surreal experience of the night. I felt like my history was being erased, slowly but surely, and that it was a true sign that my life had changed.
I used to have 2 fake IDs. I had my first when I was 13, and I snuck into the gay bar and got super smashed on Killer Kolaids. Now it's 10 years later and I realize I have upgraded to pubs and bar-b-qs with friends for my kicks. Let's let the next generation of underage girl explore the magic world of men in high heels, and too much make-up.
On a side note:
We ended up walking around most of downtown for 2 hours to find a cab. When we finally got home, I received my very first foot rub. FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF. I almost died. Dan is SOOOO my new friend. I have also decided that foot rubs are a requirement for dating me.
It was my best friend Michael's 22nd ;) birthday last Saturday. He decided that he wanted to return to the gay bar again, to remember the good ol' days. I agreed to join him of course. I at one point I used to be the fag hag of 2004.
So we brought along Greg, Tessa, and Mike's friend Dan, who is also this cute lil gay man who is into jewelry and video games just like me! So we arrived, with me in my skanky top (those gay boys love the boobies), and I PAID to get into the bar. I guess when you are yesterday's fag-cessorie you are now required to give the door man your money versus a quick kiss on the cheek and pinch of the ass.
The music was the same. Top 40 mixed into the trance beats of the time. Dan and Greg did their best to get all of us drunk, but Tessa came half-cut already. Tessa also decided to pick me up a woman. Lord. I thought I didn't go to straight bars to avoid the whole "pick-up" thing, but come out to your friends and all they want to do is hook you up. So Tessa spent the evening checking out women with me, which was odd. I feel I can pick up my own ladies thank you, but she was having fun, and I didn't want to ruin her buzz.
The one thing that shocked me the most were the Drag Queens. Some of them I had spent many a drunk night with were there and I didn't recognize them until they approached me! Not because they were in drag, but because something had happened to them - age. The years of smoking had translated into pursed lips that betrayed the habit. The sunken eyes and nose revealed the many lines snorted before the many acts on stage. It actually saddened my heart to see those things change a person so much.
So I think to myself, if they have changed so much, have I as well?
Al the young twinks, old chicken hawks, bull dykes and lipstick lesbians were in attendance as well. But it was a whole new crowd. It seemed the gay population had decreased in the last 5 years. Are they breeding us out? Or have they all paired up like Mike and Greg, never to return to the "scene" again? Dan and I were commenting that the two same 60 year old men were still stalking the club, looking for young prey and perhaps they are why we don't see the little cute ones anymore. They are having the eternal circuit party in their basement.
We left the bar, and walked Tessa back to her apartment for safety. As we did we walked the same old walk I had done many a time. But all the landmarks had changed. The Royal liquor store beside the night club on 10th had been knocked down and turned into a high rise condo building. The Lebanese club on 1st where you would make fun of all the trashy girls fighting outside had been closed down. The bar I first had membership - Detour - was gone forever. Replaced with a fancy restaurant. When you used to walk by there at night there would be aging men in leather, young bucks in underwear, and all types of lesbians feeling each other up outside. Now when we walked by there was about 100 black gangster types just sitting outside. That was the most surreal experience of the night. I felt like my history was being erased, slowly but surely, and that it was a true sign that my life had changed.
I used to have 2 fake IDs. I had my first when I was 13, and I snuck into the gay bar and got super smashed on Killer Kolaids. Now it's 10 years later and I realize I have upgraded to pubs and bar-b-qs with friends for my kicks. Let's let the next generation of underage girl explore the magic world of men in high heels, and too much make-up.
On a side note:
We ended up walking around most of downtown for 2 hours to find a cab. When we finally got home, I received my very first foot rub. FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF. I almost died. Dan is SOOOO my new friend. I have also decided that foot rubs are a requirement for dating me.
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