The Border Patrol

So TheDevilHimself and I have decided to turns our hours of fun skype rantings into something we can share with everyone.
It is called "The Border Disaster" and it is basically us making fun of each other. We throw in a couple songs to break up the tension, but all in all I find it really... really. Funny.
It is something I would ALMOST be proud to show to my parents.

Although listening to myself I have realised something I truly did not grasp the gravity of. I say fuck. A LOT.

Enjoy Guys.

I am looking towards the new one.

The 7th is released

Yes I am talking Harry Potter and the deathly hollows. By the way, the links in this post will be to vids and photos care of MOI alone. You'll see.

So last Friday, to honor the release of the last Harry Potter book, they turned a Stephen Avenue in downtown Calgary into Diagon Alley. It was a liiiitttle disapointing. Not too much to do, and everything was expensive. Lame.

But there was a fortune teller. Who by the way told me that... yes I am on the path I want... but something really bad will happen, my health will be effected and I'll loose everything. Nice. At the end she was like "think of a yes or no question". So without thinking I chose the girl standby "will I ever find true love". I have to say at this point.. if I hadn't been put on the spot I would have never chosen such a lame question for a couple reasons...

1. IF you ARE going to believe in this stuff... do not ask the questions that involve things that you feel will directly affect how you live you life... like "will I get married" or "will I ever have kids"... so some such. Chances are you'll only get disappointed.

2. I just feel like I should have asked something along the lines of... "will I find this evening lame" ... its non-committal and I can laugh later..

But I was a dumb ass and picked the girlie question. OF COURSE SHE SAID NO!

I choose to ignore her.

There was also some sweet acrobats! They flew on polls!

Also there was this little kid who balanced on this ball thing. It was amazing. Check the vidz I took.

All in all a good night.

I'm still working on the book so I am avoiding Grupthink which is full of spoilers.

BUT AWESOME GRUPTHINK NEWS!

We were trying to decide what little pic we should have next to a topic/coment/answer to represent "boring". MY SUGGESTION!? ZZzzzz....

And they used my suggestion! I know I'm a huge dork... but I am super proud they picked it. "A no-brainer" an insider told me... hehe. YAY!

Well one sad piece of info for you guys... my kittie has run away. I'm actually worried because since we moved into the city she hasn't been gone this long, and it's been a couple days. I fear she may have been hit by a car or something. She isn't used to the city. I haven't been able to sleep as well without her...

Please come back to mumma baby... she misses you!

Summer sweat

So a few things have happened these last couple of weeks. Some really good. Some really bad. I feel like I am sitting at a bit of a middle ground right now.

My computer BLEW UP.

It's fine. Jamie the computer Don Wan built and set me up a kick ass machine, and he even installed World of Warcrack. Scary. I love my new baby. The only problem is I owe my dear mother 850 bucks for it. Ouch.

I can't wait to second skype it up with my pals soon... but shit has been getting in the way. Another story, for another day.

I'm looking for job #2 this week, but with the stampede in town I hear no one is even bothering looking at resumes. He's to hoping next week will be better then.

I've also taken up smoking dope occasionally with Dave. I like it when it is just us. We are pretty chilled out, and don't sketch each other out. Note to self: do not play "free bird" on guitar hero 2 while stoned. You won't make it man.

In Preparation

Well the time has come again to work on the next podcast. I have collected my real life sex story (which is awesome). I have my next orgasm clip for the faux-gasm game. AND I have finally come up with the topic of discussion. Well I have been throwing around 3 ideas really, but I figured this topic I could get a good range of opinions. I've decided to go with "online sex". But I want to include phone sex, video sex and all sorts of "long-distance" forms of sex. If you have any suggestions, let me know. But I think this covers the basics.

I was talking to The Devil Himself about it. He wanted me to interview him to get the ball rolling so to speak. I remember his words exactly "You know for someone who wants to talk about online sex, you sure know shit all about it". Which I guess is true. In a way. I said that I do in fact have experience in some forms of "long-distance" sex... but not in all forms. He also said I was a chicken shit for not sharing my own experiences. I always wanted to keep my own experiences separate from the podcast, if only to keep myself safe. Sure I use my pseudonym, but everyone that knows that name, knows my real name. Whatever, maybe it is a cop-out.

Anyways, if you feel like you want to participate, send me a message or leave me a comment. I think I am just going to interview people separately, and then mix them together.

But here are some of my thawts of online sex -

Some say (and I am inclined to agree) that the development of the internet, has been the biggest change for our world since standardized time zones. It has expanded our chances to experience the world in a million new ways. We can access new places, and meet new people all at the click of a button. With that, we have the development of new cultures all spawning from this new way of communication. And within ANY culture, a sub-culture (perhaps not the right word for it) of sex develops.

And why not? You can become very attached to the people you can meet online. For some, the internet IS some people's social lives. So why would it be wrong to try and express a natural desire for sexual fulfillment within your social sphere. Maybe online sex is still too new for people to fully accept. It is still considered to be very taboo. I'm talking mostly "cyber-sex" of course. People get more fuzzy of video or phone sex.

I don't see anything wrong with it - sometimes. I don't believe in having the internet as your ONLY form of a social life. But it can be an important one.

You need to go flirt with flesh and blood from time to time...

Flash Backs of many Sorts

It seems like the mid nineties is coming back to me.

Just because everyone has been linking to this I really feel like you need to be in on the joke.

I remember that in the nineties, the dance music scene was at its peak. I still believe that. That music was so cheesy, but you just couldn't help but dance your ass off. I mean we all hate the Macarena but don't you go telling me that you didn't know the dance, just like everyone else.

I went searching out my favorite 90's mix. Dance Mix '95 released by much music. considerer by many to be the very best of the series. Included are not only the last two songs I mentioned, but a whole bunch of "classics". I have their weird memory of reading Archie comics while listening to my Dance mix tape (yes tape). Now whenever I hear "total eclipse of the heart" I see Betty drooling over Arch in my head.

Something else from the 90's has recently come back into my life as well. A seriously long time friend. There was a time when I talked to this person at LEAST once a day. We would always talk to each other on the phone, and we got to know each other pretty well. We lost touch for a very long time. Somewhere along the lines of4 or 5 years? I have to say hearing his voice again was a little strange. But it was exactly how I remembered it. That brought back some strong emotions that I didn't even realize were there. All good ones, don't worry. I really have to say I missed him.

So hopefully this will continue and we can at least catch up a couple more times before we drift apart again. Or maybe this could result in a brand new friendship. Who knows. I'm leaving it open, with little expectation. That way I won't be disappointed if shit happens.

I remember sitting in my cousin's basement talking to him. Not what we were talking about in specific... just talking. I wish I could remember...

To the ones who read my blog (that I know about)

As far as I know, there are four people who read my blog. I know this for two reasons.

1. They post comments on said blog.

2. They tell me they read it.

These people are awesome, in too many ways to count. I'm glad I could entertain you enough that you felt like coming back from time to time. Even if you are the only people who read this, I'll keep writing. I realize that this should not be my only reason, and I guess it's not. I do do it for myself as well, as I'm sure you know.

This is also, for lack of a better word, my diary. Yes. Cheesy as it sounds.
Fine a fucking journal then.

But either way, I write what is going on in my life - with no pussie footing around. Sometimes it's funny and sometimes it's personal, scary and yes depressing. But just live through the bad to get to the good. That's what I say!


AND ON THAT NOTE!


I have been working on this large commission recently, with my friend Kalen. They asked for 60 objects to incorporate metal and glass, and reflect nature. We are doing 60 PAIRS of objects. They said no more then 10,000 budget. Ours was significantly less then that.

and

WE WON!

My first BIG commission and I got it!
Kalen called me today, woke me up in fact, and I could hear how shaky he was from his voice. We are both excited. I knew we would win. I could FEEL it.

Other good news!

Grupthink released their version 1.7 today, and it kicks ass! I have to say, it might be enough to bring me back. Only time will tell.


Well cheers for now loves!


Here's to Lydia, Mike, Michael, and TDH

The post after the last one.

You know the best thing you can hear after a gut wrenching post such as the last one here is

"Okay, this is none of my business, but.... All right is spelled as TWO words."

And can I just say that musicians are fucking sexy? Especially the ones that write their own stuff, and have quick fingers?

I just wanted to have a nice thought on here, so you guys didn't think I was dead or something.

Cheers!

Please, God, Let it be alright

I pray to you.
I am down on my knees, with eyes full of tears and a head full of hate, remorse, and fear.
I feel as if my soul is about to burst forth and beat upon my shaking body until all the life has fled from it.
Why is it that I am always being tested? I need to find solace in something. I need my mind to calm down long enough for my body to recover.
I always thought I needed someone who could help me, but in times like these, I realize that I can't look anyone in the eye long enough for that to even matter.

This is hell, and I see no end to this black tunnel that I am in.
I love so much, but deserve none. Any love I receive is like a stabbing pain in my chest, and that's why I want those that give me nothing in return. They are my penance.

Please, God, let it be alright - let me sleep tonight, and look at tomorrow in a new, hopeful light.

I pray to you God, let it be alright.

The Aging Fag Hag and The Queers She Grew Up With

Not the most "PC" of titles, but it was how we used to roll...


It was my best friend Michael's 22nd ;) birthday last Saturday. He decided that he wanted to return to the gay bar again, to remember the good ol' days. I agreed to join him of course. I at one point I used to be the fag hag of 2004.

So we brought along Greg, Tessa, and Mike's friend Dan, who is also this cute lil gay man who is into jewelry and video games just like me! So we arrived, with me in my skanky top (those gay boys love the boobies), and I PAID to get into the bar. I guess when you are yesterday's fag-cessorie you are now required to give the door man your money versus a quick kiss on the cheek and pinch of the ass.

The music was the same. Top 40 mixed into the trance beats of the time. Dan and Greg did their best to get all of us drunk, but Tessa came half-cut already. Tessa also decided to pick me up a woman. Lord. I thought I didn't go to straight bars to avoid the whole "pick-up" thing, but come out to your friends and all they want to do is hook you up. So Tessa spent the evening checking out women with me, which was odd. I feel I can pick up my own ladies thank you, but she was having fun, and I didn't want to ruin her buzz.

The one thing that shocked me the most were the Drag Queens. Some of them I had spent many a drunk night with were there and I didn't recognize them until they approached me! Not because they were in drag, but because something had happened to them - age. The years of smoking had translated into pursed lips that betrayed the habit. The sunken eyes and nose revealed the many lines snorted before the many acts on stage. It actually saddened my heart to see those things change a person so much.

So I think to myself, if they have changed so much, have I as well?

Al the young twinks, old chicken hawks, bull dykes and lipstick lesbians were in attendance as well. But it was a whole new crowd. It seemed the gay population had decreased in the last 5 years. Are they breeding us out? Or have they all paired up like Mike and Greg, never to return to the "scene" again? Dan and I were commenting that the two same 60 year old men were still stalking the club, looking for young prey and perhaps they are why we don't see the little cute ones anymore. They are having the eternal circuit party in their basement.

We left the bar, and walked Tessa back to her apartment for safety. As we did we walked the same old walk I had done many a time. But all the landmarks had changed. The Royal liquor store beside the night club on 10th had been knocked down and turned into a high rise condo building. The Lebanese club on 1st where you would make fun of all the trashy girls fighting outside had been closed down. The bar I first had membership - Detour - was gone forever. Replaced with a fancy restaurant. When you used to walk by there at night there would be aging men in leather, young bucks in underwear, and all types of lesbians feeling each other up outside. Now when we walked by there was about 100 black gangster types just sitting outside. That was the most surreal experience of the night. I felt like my history was being erased, slowly but surely, and that it was a true sign that my life had changed.

I used to have 2 fake IDs. I had my first when I was 13, and I snuck into the gay bar and got super smashed on Killer Kolaids. Now it's 10 years later and I realize I have upgraded to pubs and bar-b-qs with friends for my kicks. Let's let the next generation of underage girl explore the magic world of men in high heels, and too much make-up.




On a side note:

We ended up walking around most of downtown for 2 hours to find a cab. When we finally got home, I received my very first foot rub. FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF. I almost died. Dan is SOOOO my new friend. I have also decided that foot rubs are a requirement for dating me.

The bright side

The Bright Side is:

I am done my enameling class.

I sold 5 pairs of earrings to the girls in class.

I have wicked friends who try so hard to cheer me up.

And damnit, they did a fine job.

Tonight is celtic night at the pub, which is always a good time.

I get to sleep in tomorrow, and read my book.

The weather is great, and I am getting a tan already.




On another note, the girls and I were discussing penis length in class (don't ask me why). I made a the "foot-long" gesture, and my friend Kate said something so profound it may have just changed my life.

"You know there is a difference between making love to someone, and skewering them."

The Post that never was

I first thought that my post for this weekend would be full of laughs. I originally wanted to share with you the hijinx that was last friday night. I wanted to tell you how I unceremoniously got drunk from too many jello shooters and ended up on my face on Vanessa's floor. How I fell down on her chair and gave myself a 2 inch by 5 inch welt-turned-bruise on my hip. Right on the spot I like to rest my hand, totally fucking up my sassy and trademark hand-on-hip stance. I did want to tell you about it all.

But alas.

I have been working my ass off these last 3 weeks (as I am sure some of you have noticed since I haven't talked to any of you in awhile). Working to get together some inventory for the annual Lilac festival here in Calgary. The table cost me (and 3 our girls) $50.00. I saved up for that one. The tent fireproofing they (lilac fest) MADE me get - $60.00. Costs of materials - 150.00. Total sales - $4.00........

If I have ever felt that my work was not good enough before, this makes me feel like I can't GIVE my work away. I marked down everything TWICE. Everyone would come in, pick up some earring say "oh how cute! I love them!" then they would look at the price and walk away! I mean jesus christ, I marked them down so low I was barely making any money. I'd mostly be breaking even only. Yet no one bought anything.

No one has any sense of value these days. It is impossible to make any kind of money as a custom jeweler when you can get the exact same thing in china for a fraction of the cost.

I have to say I am not happy at all. I have less money now then when I started. I am very upset. Lilac fest is huge, and our table was shit. I don't really want to get into the bitsy details but they gave us a table that no one could get to. I am sooo angry.


On top of all that I got the first sunburn of the summer.




I feel like an idiot, and a failure.

The love of Change

As you grow older you realize that many things change. Things like your body, your personality, your sense of morality, and your relationships. Over the last year, as some of you know, many of these things have changed for me. But one thing in particular has changed the most - relationships.

Well, my relationships with friends anyways.

A few things have effected these changes, those being college, XBL, and grupthink.

College this year threw me into a new class, with new people. Thankfully I have met amazing new people, who I share a lot in common with. They are amazing men and women who have helped me through some weird situations this year. I bonded with a few of the people from my first year classes too, but I have made friends with pretty much everyone in these new classes. If these are the people I am to spend the next few years with, I am blessed for sure.

But you know what they say, when one door closes, a window opens. Well if college was the window, what was the door that closed? It seems so many of my friends, who I thought I would hang out with forever have drifted to the winds. Moving away, loosing touch, or breaking my heart. But I'm not overly upset, it is just part of life.

Meeting people over XBL has had its ups and downs as well. I've met some amazing people, who have been kinder and closer to me then anyone I've known in the flesh. Not having the restraints of judging someone by their appearance has the advantage of being able to really get to know someone. But some people, who I thought I knew, have still disappointed me. But there are also some who have surprised me to no end, and been there for me, to listen, to give me kind words, and even send me little pick me ups when I really need them. I love you guys.

Grupthink has introduced to me some amazing people as well. I love those guys. Even though my love for the site has diminished. I realllllly don't want to lose contact with these people. I don't want to jinx it by saying anything else.

There are also those friends, who you think you know, then just blow you away by saying something so perfect, it changes how you see them. There may be other times, when all you want from them is one kind word, and for the life of them they can't seem to say it. So when those perfect moments do finally come along...

... you realize you love them.

Spring Fever

Is it just me, or does everyone seem to have a spring in their step these days?

This last week I've been thinking about the podcast.
(I can hear the applause from here)

I want to get it going again, and I think spring time is the perfect time for a new installment. Some of you may not realize this, but in order to make a sex podcast, one has to be in the mood. It just goes hand in hand. If you aren't, then it sounds even more fake, and people won't get turned on - which is the point really.

I was talking to a friend of mine today, who seems to be exhibiting all the tell tale signs of spring fever. Frisky, frisky, frisky. And they are not the only one. All the girls in the studio today were play flirting with each other, something I enjoyed witnessing to no end. I pushed them on of course, I love being a sexual catalyst.

I decided that I have been in a sexual rut for far too long, and I started to feel the tingling of the fever myself. Is it just me, or have all the men shaved their beards, and all the woman their legs? Could everyone be primping themselves for a possible "encounter"? I was checking EVERYONE out... how could I not?

I got home and my friends Ryan and Alex were with Dave, in the process of making dinner. I decided to shower the remnants of the work day off, and in the process of picking out my outfit, freshly showers and naked as the day was nude, Alex just happened to walk in. I did leave the door open after all. Maybe it was the spring fever that made me leave it open. I know its the fever that makes me not care that he saw anything.


ahhhhh ..... spring.

Deadlier Sins

Today I was thinking about sin. As in the seven deadly ones. I've decided that we will always have parts of each sin within us, but certain sins take over us more depending on what is going on around us. I feel so full of "sin" these days it scares me.

Gluttony

All last week I have been craving cupcakes. Bright, colorful, and deadly cupcakes. I spent a few hours on Saturday and made.... 50. No I did not eat them all if you were wondering. I've been giving them away left right and center, but I have been eating some. Why did I want to make them? Who the hell knows. All I know is that when I looked at them, you couldn't help but smile. I even took pictures. I have just lost a bunch of weight, the last thing I need is to gain it all back plus more.

That of course brings me to ...

Pride

I have been feeling pride creeping in the cracks of my fragile mind. Pride can be a good thing, can it not? I had this amazing critique last week, and that filled me with a swelling of pride like I had never felt ever before. Being validated in the one thing that I feel good doing with my life was amazing. But I have to keep honest, and humble too.

Lust

Surprisingly, the sin that I normally suffer from on a regular basis has left me for greener pastures. I am not feelin it at all. Being at school for 14 hours a day takes its toll, and my hands are used to working with tools and metal... not.. other things. I have no time, how very sad. You know when you have a crush, and it seems to move you? Throughout the day you keep smiling to yourself, and have your little day dreams about them. You fantasize that they corner you as you finish your shower with your towel around you, and back you back into the room with that coy little smile? Yeah okay, I'm not completely devoid of feeling below the waist... but I don't have that little smile, and I don't fantasize nearly as much as I used to. I enjoy having a crush, as gut wrenching as it can be. But he seems to be devoid of feeling above the waist - so I'm not feelin that as much either these days.

Greed

This is the scariest sin for me these days. I worry about my soul. I feel so greedy and full of ugly thoughts that I would never tell to anyone but a paid professional that is paid not to judge me. Having no money has made me the greediest son of a bitch I have ever had the pleasure to share a brain with. I hate money, but I want it. A lot of it. I feel like I am doing anything I can to save it, make it, and I hate myself for it. Who am I becoming?

Envy

I am envious of a lot of people, for a lot of reasons. People with relationships. People with money. People who don't care about money. Well let's just say it's a long list.

Anger

I am angry as hell at myself. I feel I have a lot less "happy thoughts" and a lot more "angry and frustrated thoughts". Maybe I should change the name.

Sloth

Since school ended I have slept in at least 10 hours a night. I have taken up xbox again, and I have spent entire days on the computer. I'm trying to start a bunch of projects right off the bat to keep me motivated so I don't fall into the lazy trap. I HAVE to start a job search ASAP. Why I am so goddamn lazy?


Before I felt like my personality was my only true saving grace. But I feel like I am becoming very dark inside, and it scares the shit out of me. I don't want to be DarkThawts, or EvilThawts. I don't want to be AngryThawts, or VindictiveThawts. I do want to be HappyThawts. How does one save yourself from the dark side, when the shadow looms over you, threatening to block out any trace of who you were before?

Cupcake anyone?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/happythawts/479460718/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/happythawts/479460724/

The Test of Faith and the Pursuit of Passion

Would jaded be the correct term? Perhaps mellow. Relieved definitely, but there is something else as well. These last couple of weeks have been a true test of my metal. I have spent 14 hour days with half hour lunches working my fingers to the bone. I have not slept nights, been in the bottomless pit of desperation and doubted my very core. But in the end, all things come to a point, a climax, an apex where all your work and toiling show you if it was all worth it. Or if will come crashing down on you.

As I sat in the lecture hall, my work displayed under the spot lights, highlighted by the black velvet behind the glint of the metal, I couldn't help but think - this is what I am supposed to do. I was happy with everything I had done. Sure I had some issues with some of the projects, but who doesn't? I am learning after all.

Some of the others had said their juried critiques earlier in the day had been "interesting". Apparently some of the teachers were not morning people. I scheduled by crit right after lunch thinking that they would be awake, full of food, and energy. Hopefully, they would be in a good mood. They were.

They had nothing but good things to say about all my pieces.
-strong, interesting designs
-incredible detail
-attention to finishing
-focus on creating high quality pieces
-submitting to exhibitions and competitions is a must

They had nice things to say about me as well.
-I listen, and I try and take any advice to heart
-I do the research
-I challenge myself, and succeed 90% of the time
-I have unquestionable passion, and drive
-I have the uncanny ability to gather people around me and lead them

What I need to do this summer
-Read books and take seminars on leadership - the department wants me to run some projects next year, and I need to be prepared.
-Practice drawing from life - my design renderings need to be improved.
-Work with slide film instead of digital for photographing my work - slides are better resolution.
-Join metal artists, goldsmiths and other community forums - since I am going to be a leader, people need to know who I am in the community.


Basically, the best critique of my life.


So now, after all the late nights, the lack of sleep, the cuts, burns, bruises, loss of hair, cracked bleeding skin, dislocated limbs, stress and heart-ache - it was WORTH it. Not because of what those 3 teachers had to say. It was worth it when I had set up and I saw everything in that new light - the shiny new parts of my soul on display. They were there because I love what I do, and I can't see myself being happy doing anything else right now.

and thats it.


wanna see the stuff?
Me at deviant art!

Call to (get) action!

So after a cry to update my life (blog)... I shall do the best I can with the remaining energy I have.

I had a photo shoot not long ago. I finally got to repay Holly for all her hard work, standing naked in front of my camera doing unspeakably uncomfortable things while I yelled at her. I am a hard ass photographer, I don't think I've ever mentioned that.

Holly is a fashion designer, and she needed shot of her and her models in her designs. We brought back Trevor from my seven deadly sins shoot last semester to do the make-up. Holly's original photographer quit on her last minute, so I was happy to step in for him. It was fucking cold! Like frost-bite cold. And Holly requested an out-door shoot, for an industrial look. So I picked the lions gate bridge. I'll have to get those shots up soon. We shot INSIDE the bridge. The girls were freezing their asses off, and there wasn't a lot covering them. Holly is the littlest, and as soon as she took off her jacket she was shivering uncontrollably and I was actually afraid she might get hypothermia or something.

I yelled myself hoarse at those girls, but we got it all done, and in not very much time. Afterwards I kinda felt bad for basically commandeering the shoot, but after I got a few comments from the others involved saying I was good at directing, and I moved things along nicely, so I felt a little better.

This week is also birthday week. Wednesday I had a wicked day shopping with my mom. She was on a mission trying to find me a birthday dress. We went to like 15 stores trying to find something that worked(I always have issues finding clothes that fit my fucked up in-between-sizes body). Anyways we finally hit winners of all places and I found 3! All super hot, all below 40 bucks, and I got matching shoes. Fuckin sweet deal.

So Thursday was my birthday. We went to the pub, I got a little drunk. I wore my new black dress and I ended up dancing in front of the whole bar. Bad news. My camera is still compleatly full from Holly's shoot, so no pics. Sorry guys, I wanted to... but no deal.

Today was art history in the morning, then shooting all my metal work from this semester thus far. Tess and I booked the studio for 3 hours, we were done in 2 hrs and 45 min. We got some amazing shots, and I'll be posting them on deviant art soon for you guys to see. There are a few I will be submitting to exhibitions because I've been told by a few people that I should. Yeah they rock.

Here's the good news.

For those of you complaining about the lack o pics.... tomorrow is another birthday party. But this one involves "bedroom accessories". Yes I am hosting a sex toy party! I'm hoping to have the camera out for that one! We'll see how the girls like that one. If they are uncomfortable, I wont do it. But I think they will be.

So the only reason I am posting right now is because Lydia told me to! I am so damn tired, but what the lady wants, the lady gets. It's only because I'm in love with her.
But do you see people? I gota see that you are reading, other wise I'll get bored and eventually stop. I do seeeee youuuu... or like, hear you.

Dude I'm tired. I'm hitting the hay.....

remind me to buy batteries tomorrow...

Wasting the weekend

Man I'm so tired.

Last night was artaWEARness at school. Good times. Alexandra, Michelle and I went back to my place after class friday morning to get ready. We figured people we dressing up so we didn't want to get left out. I did this amazing make-up on everyone. Including Dave, which was unexpected but great. He get there and only Holly is dressed up. Figures.
It was alright, we posed for pictures a lot, and all my friends were like, "Are you nervous?" and it didn't occur to me they thought I was IN the show. Oh well.
Afterwards we just went back to my house, picked up Alex, and played "life". I won! Woohoo at 1.67 million. I rock at life. Well.. the board game anyways.

So they didn't leave until about 4:30 am because we ended up talking about just random stuff afterwards. So I woke up at about 3pm today, tired and sounding drunk. I'm still tired and its like 6 o'clock. I doubt ill get anything done today. So much for going to school to get more work done. I'll go Monday.

I'd just like to mention I miss some people

Lydia
Dustin
Natalie
Trina
Vanessa
Patrick
Mike r.

I've been thinking about these folks a lot. Or at least the good ol days. I don't know the difference.

Check the flickr account for photos of my hectic life.

cheers loves

So much has happened

But you don't get to hear about it! Mwa ha ha!

Sorry, but there is honestly way to much to write about in a tiny lil blog such as this!
As for recent events. I got my neck project for one of my classes done, and I will be handing it in on time for once! I am slowly catching up! Yipee!
But I better be. I've been at school all night after class, and on weekends trying to catch up. I took the night of Metalmorphasis off, St. Patrick's Day, and finally, last night.
My friend Danielle took me to this dinner theater with our other friend Alex. We had a good time, and they even lied and told the cast it was my birthday so I had to go on stage and embarrass the shit out of myself doing this birthday dance. I went along with it, thinking no one would know who I was. Plus there was this really hot girl dancing beside me who was joking about trying not to fall out of her dress. I hope I didn't stare toooo much. But today at school I ran into 3 people that I knew that were there, and apparently I know half the people that work there and I didn't even know it. So everyone and their mom saw me shake my booty on stage.
By the way I got an 80% on my art history mid term. Just thought I would throw that little factoid in.
OH! My birthday is April 12th. Just so ya know. I am going to Celtic night because it lies on a Thursday and so does the B-Day. Then the Saturday after I am hosting a sex toy party. It has always been my new years resolution to host one of those, and finally I am! Yay! No boys allowed! WOO!

Anyways, that was a quicky from happy. Are you feeling satisfied? No? Don't worry I'll go long and slow on you guys later... mwa ha ha!

Taking a couple days off

With the Metal Department's party last night, and St.Patrick's Day tomorrow. I've decided to take Friday night off as well. Why not, I've had a lot going on, and it is about time I took some time off to have fun, and not worry about ... stuff.

I took some pics from the "Tarts and Vicars" theme Metalmorphasis party at school.

I'll write about it more later, I'm just super tired right now and I'm tempted to hit the hay early and read a book.

Well! Go check out my flickr account to see the photos! Cheers!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/happythawts/423666891/

A damn good day

Today was one of the best days I have had in a long ass time. I had my art history midterm exam, which I have been dreading since I got back from my stint in bed. I studied my ass off this week, only to be rewarded with a relatively easy exam. I wrote pages! There was one question I miss though because it was on material I missed on one of my sick days. Oh well. I still passed, which is what is important.
After that, I went to my studio to try and get some of my older jewelry projects finished, and I discovered a quick way to finish off one of them. Instead of soldering again, which could have caused it to melt - all I have to do is cut some extra bits off. Trust me, this is a good thing.
Then I met up with my friend Tessa and Kate, and we headed down to the mall to pick out outfits for the jewelry department's party tomorrow night. Tarts and Vicars is the theme - just GUESS what I'm going as. I'll take pictures if I can.
For lunch I had OPA, and a tiny dip cone from DQ. It was tasty.
After the mall we hit Value village, and I actually found some awesome stuff! For like 10 bucks I got an awesome "save a horse, ride a cowboy" t-shirt, some sterling silver earrings, and some genuine stained glass earrings. Good shit. Worth more then 10 bucks, I'll tell ya that much. I love knowing how much is worth some times.
Then we hit my FAVORITE store, Adam and eve's exotic boutique! Best sex store eva! Another friend of our works there, and is trying to get me the inside track on getting a job there. OMG - that would be the BEST job ever - and totally perfect for me.
After that Tessa and I headed back to my place to work on our art history term papers, and my mom made us steak, sweet potato, mashed potatoes, asparagus, and garlic mushrooms. So f'ing good! So damn tasty. Anyways, today was awesome! Yay!

See I told you not all my entries would be depressing.

Musing From a Bi-Polar Art Student

So when you live in Calgary, you sometimes forget that the weather can be nice. I got up this morning, after a fitful dream full of being trapped in a 6 by 6 room for the rest of my life, so sun shine and birds singing. First birds I heard singing this year in fact.
I walk my butt to the corner store by my place, and decide to check the 2 month old lotto ticket I had sitting in my wallet. I won $10.00.
I actually skipped to the bus stop listening to the new Tenacious D album I just got. The bus ride was short, and was sans crazies.
I got to school and got all the tools I needed made for tomorrow done, and looking HAWT. I mean Brett (a guy in my class) was all jealous because the tools I made were not only pretty but difficult to make as well. My friends Danielle and Alex were not having such a good day. I felt bad because normally they are the ones cheering my ass up. But a little pep talk, a snickers bar later, and things were looking up. I basically was singing and dancing my way out of school. It started snowing again.
I get home, dinner is made! So good. I have to tell you, coming home after 10 hours of smashing the shit out of metal you really don't feel like making yourself food. So when it is waiting for you when you walk in the door, it tastes even better.
I realized life isn't always so bad, you just have to have that one sunny day that puts things into perspective. It occurred to me that I felt this dark and angry at this exact time last year, and the year before that. I think for art students, or perhaps all students, it is just part of life. You just have to know what is going on, take a breath, and hold on until it is all over.
Just take solace in your friends, and try and remember it will get better.

A snowball is fucking correct!

So one grupie leaves... and now another?
What the fuck is going on?

(this is more grupthink drama btw)

Rai, Enfonce-le-toi dans le cul!
Va te la mettre!

Pompous Jackass!

Okay.

So I'm stressed, and already having a stressful week, and grupthink is my escape from that. And having such drama happen, and good friends say goodbye is really tough. I think it is affecting me more then I want it to. More then I should let it. But I am a fragile beast what can I say?

Cross Roads and Other Conundrums

As I start this new chapter in my life of creating a "proper" blog, I find I am at a cross roads with many aspects of my life.

1) Money - I have none of it. I recently confessed to a school chum that for 2 weeks last semester I didn't have money to feed myself. I have never been so scared in my life, and have vowed never to let that happen again.

2) School - I found out I am a total of 5 classes down from declaring my major at school. That fucking blows. I love the girls in my class, and I want to move ahead with them. I love my department, and if I am going to be held back ANOTHER year from it, I may just move on to other things.

3) Health - I got the "C" word recently. If that isn't enough to freak the shit out of you, I don't know what would. What is even scarier is that another good friend of mine has the same thing going on. If I'm lucky we'll get to be roomies at the hospital.

4) Friends - I seem to be gaining some, and loosing others. Terrifying. Why? Because I am a coward thats why. And as much as I want to say that I am an open minded person, willing to let change happen - I am... but only sometimes.

5) Grupthink - The social networking and Q & A site I belong to. Love the people there (for the most part) and I've made wicked relationships there. But I got an e-mail from one of my good friends there telling me they want to leave. Too many people giving them shit. I understand what they mean. Being voted most popular on that site (not tooting my own horn here, it's fucking true), I find I am kept safe from most of the crap that could be thrown at me. But I have to say, when I got that e-mail, my heart sunk in my stomach. I really love this person, and they are a huge reason I still visit this site on a regular basis. Don't get me wrong, I love all of my friends there, but this person is just the triple thick icing on my already sweet cake.

I would beg them to stay, but that would be done for only my own selfish reasons, and unfair to said person. I just hope that we stay in touch. I'd miss them a lot. So does this mean I keep with grupthink? Or do I quit? Decisions, decisions.

6) Looooovvve - Fuck love man. Wait... no fuck ME thats it. No wait.... Yeah I don't know. Birthday number 23 is around the corner, I feel my lack of "relationship" experience is starting to piss me off. I miss the boat a lot. Or I just give up, and don't even go to the pier anymore. I don't know why I expect something to happen. Again - Coward. Enough said.

How honest am I really? I don't even think I know. You know?

Am I ever going to post a real image of myself on the net? Probably not.

Why am I starting something ELSE I have to update?

Because I am a fucking masochist.

On that note, I should mention I will be cursing. And bad mouthing people. And probably bitching about my life.

however

I shall also be talking dirty. Speaking of my love of others, my hobbies, and occasionally, my family.

I will also share with you the humor I find, the stories I find interesting, and whatever random stuff I feel like posting.

If you are here, it means I peaked your interest long enough for you to click the link here, so thank you. Unless you are here to bitch about what I have to say. That is just lame. Get your own blog.